Choosing faith

I recently re-read a General Conference talk by Elder Neil Andersen entitled, "You Know Enough", from October 2008. It was one that stuck with me then and the remembered words have continued to refresh me over the last few weeks of setbacks.

I recently had surgery looking for causes of our difficulty conceiving. It wasn't major surgery, in and out in 4ish hours with a few days recovery, but it turned up nothing in our quest for answers. Add to that the recent bill I received and the procedure was five times the cost we thought it was going to be (which won't put us in the poor house but it's still very discouraging) and you end up with a frustrated and disheartened couple. It's my nature to be positive and look at the bright side of things, but in this situation I think I'm just trying to ignore the ache. I think I'm afraid that if I open up my heart and admit how badly we want another child that the grief might overwhelm me. So I push it away and try to stifle the bitter questions that sometimes arise out of my heart asking God "why".

In those tough moments I think about Elder Andersen's words:

 Brothers and sisters, we each have moments of spiritual power, moments of inspiration and revelation. We must sink them deep into the chambers of our souls. As we do, we prepare our spiritual home storage for moments of personal difficulty. Jesus said, “Settle this in your hearts, that ye will do the things which I shall teach, and command you.” 

Several years ago a friend of mine had a young daughter die in a tragic accident. Hopes and dreams were shattered. My friend felt unbearable sorrow. He began to question what he had been taught and what he had taught as a missionary. The mother of my friend wrote me a letter and asked if I would give him a blessing. As I laid my hands upon his head, I felt to tell him something that I had not thought about in exactly the same way before. The impression that came to me was: Faith is not only a feeling; it is a decision. He would need to choose faith.

My friend did not know everything, but he knew enough. He chose the road of faith and obedience. He got on his knees. His spiritual balance returned.

It has been several years since that event. A short time ago I received a letter from his son who is now serving a mission. It was full of conviction and testimony. As I read his beautiful letter, I saw how a father’s choice of faith in a very difficult time had deeply blessed the next generation.

Challenges, difficulties, questions, doubts—these are part of our mortality. But we are not alone. As disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we have enormous spiritual reservoirs of light and truth available to us. Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, “Be not afraid, only believe.” ⁴

I have had those moments of spiritual power, of knowledge that there is a God in Heaven, that He knows me and cares about and will help me with my struggles. I may not know everything, but I do know enough. And I am choosing faith.